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Guide to Using a Fake ID (NYE post)

Guides and information about purchasing cryptocurrency and fake IDs
For a lot of you, given the timing oif g0d's releases, this will be your first or one of your first nights out on the town. Hundreds of Fake IDs will meet their maker today, because the only sad bellend bouncers who are working NYE are the pathetic lonely ones who want nothing more than to take your card of joy and happyness. I'm here just to give you a couple tips to improve your odds.

A few tips for you young whippersnappers off out to getcho drank on tonight:
  • Make sure your card looks pukka, make sure you've used some nail polish remover to fix the raised text and make sure there are no rough edges and the laminate doesn't overhang. This won't be make or break but it will give more of a legit feel to the ID, reducing any reason for bouncers to suspect foul play.
  • Your mates might be dressed as though their first word was ASBO but they can, because they are probably 18. Dress smart casual, yanno polo non ripped jeans, some fresh subtle kicks and maybe a smart jacket. First impressions matter.
  • Walk with confidence and look like your meant to be there. Don't be looking all skitty in the cue, just chill and talk to your mates, but don't be loud and obnoxious, just be part of the crowd. Blend in, you don't want any unwanted attention.
  • If you're the only one with a fake you go first or second among your group, this way should the worst happen you are not alone, and the person in front is generally less suspect than the ones at the back especially if you're dressed nice.
  • When you hand the bouncer or bartender your ID don't give into temptation and look away or turn around to your mates. Keep looking at the fat sod with a steady neutral look on your face. He'll look up at you at least once to check the photo looks like you, possibly more than once. Don't look nervous, just meet his gaze and hold it till he looks back at the card again. This seems counter intuitive as you may think this implies you are nervous, but nope quite the contrary. When you look around or whatever its so see through that you are forcing the look that you do it all the time, it just raises suspicions. Stay focused. Also should the bouncer start to act like he's onto you, you have a better position to do the ol' snatch and grab, off into the moonlight.
  • Talk with confidence, but not like a condescending prick. A quick sound or something when you're asked for the ID is fine, but don't be all like oh here you go buddy. Seems petty but it all counts.
  • Possibly the most important thing to remember is that you are 18. So bloody act like it.

    Using a Fake ID is all just a big game, and you've gotta play it balls to the wall, the second you decided to buy your ID was the second you started playing this game. The opposition? Bouncers. The way to win? Get past them. You don't win by showing off, being a loudmouth or being cocky. So just remember your in this game to do nothing but win, and so you're gonna stick to the rules and play it the best way you can.

    Right, you can see the bouncer is having none of it, he knows it's fake, you know it's fake, you're going home. But you want to go home with at least your ID. Here's how you can try to make that happen
  • This only really applies to bars, but when your ID is confiscated the barman probably won't go straight for the kill and cut it. If he does (rip whoever posted yesterday) you're obviously screwed. But if not, you will argue the toss with as many lies as you can. Newer prints have an error, you're waiting on a new one. It went into the washin machine. Anything you can pull out of your arse. They wont believe you but will probably instruct you to speak to a manager about it. Take them up on the offer. The manager will be handed the ID and you then have to lie out of your arse to him too. Keep going to he gets pissed off and gives you your ID back and tells you to never return as he's too busy for this shit. Seems far fetched but has happened twice to me and the same thing happened (was with my old NI card lol, how i still have it i don't know). Just argue till they give up and send you home with your ID hopefully.
  • The snatch and grab. More for a club scenario. Bouncers are cocky by nature, and so whence they see your ID is fake, they will flaunt it at you and insult you for trying to get by him etc etc. He'll proudly show his catch (the ID) and you just have to choose your moment to grab it and run. Not very nuanced but gets the job done and you can try again elsewhere. If the bouncer pockets it and tells you to jog on, ask him why it's fake and to prove it to buy you a chance to grab it.

    Side note: Guys please for the love of God don't do what I did last night and snatch and grab and run straight into a fucking wall. Learn your surroundings first without making it obvious your scouting the area. /u/boyo0161 mentioned this and it's actually a good point. Know your surroundings before you grab n go, and also have a randevu point for you and your mates if you have to bolt it.
  • The bribe. No one can turn their nose up at a £20 note. That £20 note will double that bouncers hourly rate for two hours in all likelyhood. It will be blatant if the bouncer is open to a bribe, which sounds rediculous, but if the bouncer is working alone out front, and is fairly subtle with his rejection of your ID it gives off the right signals. Show him the cash subtly and go to shake his hand. Literally just like your buying some drugs, that handshake you know what i mean. This is rarely useable and may end up with you down £20 and an ID but if you really want into that club and your getting the right vibes from the bouncer then it's worth a try. You don't think this is how it works no? When me and a mate were out on a coke binge one night in a large club, i was using he was selling and using, we went to the loo to do our thing, i went into a cubicle so did he. Two bouncers kicked his door in, took his coke and told him to buy it back or get the shit kicked of him. So he empties his wallet and is allowed to keep his coke and continue. This is the sort of shady shit bouncers do, there is no reason they will turn down a crisp £20 just to let you in. If anyone on this sub knows me by the story i just told please don't comment or PM saying my name, PM me asking for my wickr and we can have a chin wag.
    You ID is gone for good, what now?
  • Your ID is in a bin, and will never be seen again, don't sweat the worst that can happen is you get spoken to by some pigs there and then, tell them you wanted to get booze with it and they will let you off with a warning (which won't go on your criminal record obviously). Make sure you have a legitimate ID with you aswell to show to them, and DO NOT show them your fake as your identity document. This will have you in big shit, just own up and you'll be let go there and then happy days. If you're not spoken to right away, then nothing to worry about in the slightest. Find your nearest corner shop open late (there is always one) and use your dupe to load up on alcohol, give your dealer a bell and pick up your chosen poison, find a quiet field for you and the boys and get shitfaced listening to some tunes. All is not lost.

    Happy New Years, and Beat The Bouncers!
If some of the other members of the group have novelties, don't even bother trying as this is a blatant giveaway even if the club usually works.

I can't believe how many idiots have actually tried this, it's more common than you may believe.
Yeah hahaha Runnin, somebody used my old FID to get into a Pub my g0d was confiscated in and it worked! I've also seen a guy saying he used it for a while until his local knew him and he's not been ID'd since. They're no good anymore but FID was at one time okay ish lol
ZS-SAS wrote:
Sun Apr 15, 2018 7:46 pm
Yeah hahaha Runnin, somebody used my old FID to get into a Pub my g0d was confiscated in and it worked! I've also seen a guy saying he used it for a while until his local knew him and he's not been ID'd since. They're no good anymore but FID was at one time okay ish lol
Oh, I'm talking about the fakeid.co.uk pieces of shit lol. People that own them are adamant they work but have never actually tried anywhere. Poor purchase decisions.
Runin28 wrote:
Sun Apr 15, 2018 10:17 pm
ZS-SAS wrote:
Sun Apr 15, 2018 7:46 pm
Yeah hahaha Runnin, somebody used my old FID to get into a Pub my g0d was confiscated in and it worked! I've also seen a guy saying he used it for a while until his local knew him and he's not been ID'd since. They're no good anymore but FID was at one time okay ish lol
Oh, I'm talking about the fakeid.co.uk pieces of shit lol. People that own them are adamant they work but have never actually tried anywhere. Poor purchase decisions.
About 3-4 years ago fakeid.co.uk wa my first ID and i used the shit out of it, still have it to this day :P

Was like 50/50 wherever i used it lol, always managed to argue for it back tho. Worked in pubs like 50/50 nd never had an issue at a shop (big or small). Ah those were the simpler times
Maybe slightly off topic but what's the plan if a bouncer doesn't accept a cit card because he doesn't know they're accepted forms of ID..? Argue it back or take the loss and walk away with your id?
LivingAccident wrote:
Mon Apr 16, 2018 10:29 pm
Maybe slightly off topic but what's the plan if a bouncer doesn't accept a cit card because he doesn't know they're accepted forms of ID..? Argue it back or take the loss and walk away with your id?
It's less likely to be taken from you, - but he'll probably ask another bouncer and between them they'll probably know to accept it. If they still say no, find another club. Just don't get angry with them.